"How did you DO it?" It's a question I was often asked as people began to notice my weight loss. People i knew, people I didn't know-they all demanded my "secret". It was a bit frustrating trying to explain a story to someone who was wanting a product, a plan, or a pill.
It has been a journey, an awakening, and a process. I've done all the plans, tried all the products, and swallowed all the pills. And some of them worked. None of them lasted. This time was different- so different. I lost over 100 pounds in a year. And it has been almost a year since. I am not following a diet. I am living a new life. I'm not white knuckling it. There is no willpower involved. I am a different person. A person who is at a healthy weight for the first time in her entire life. A person who doesn't spend a majority of her thought life thinking about weight and food.
For so many years I spent hours a day dreaming about what it would be like to walk into a "normal" clothing store and be likely to find something that fit. So much of my time I fantasized about being able to wear a swimsuit without shorts and t-shirt. I thought it would be the most amazing experience in the world to be "skinny" and have others compliment my body. Incredibly, these are not the things I delight in on the other side. What i enjoy most now is the freedom. Not the freedom to share clothes with my girlfriends and shop where I want, but the freedom from all the time and emotion I spent on being a prisoner. I am overjoyed at the freedom from fear when I look at a tray of brownies. I am not a hostage. I am not a puppet. I now choose what I do and that has made all the difference.
So I still haven't answered your question, have I? "How DID I do it?" Well, that's a story that God started in me long ago, but it really started taking shape two months after I had my third son in 2011. How God redeemed my ugly relationship with food is nothing short of miraculous in my opinion. The entire time it was happening I kept saying and feeling like "this is not my own doing". And I was right. It was supernatural. How he did that in my particular circumstance is a long story. I will try to condense it into one post, or maybe two.
Why do I write this now? I write this to give you hope. I lived thirty three years under this oppression. I believed I always would. I write to give him glory. And to let you know his healing is waiting.
There is that thing you think about every day. That pattern you wish, hope, pray, beg for to go away, to leave you alone; that thing you've tried countless times to "quit". There is this thing you'd pay a million dollars to leave you alone. You don't have to live with such a cruel bedfellow. To divorce yourself from it is a ripping, pain-filled process. But the freedom you get in exchange is worth any price.