Sunday, July 31, 2011

delusions of grandeur

noah: (asking one of the many hundreds of questions i field each day)
me: i don't know, honey.
you know...i don't know everything.
noah: yes you do!
me: no, sweetie, i don't.
noah: you know 2+2 so that means you know EVERYTHING!

looking at dinosaur skeleton replica at science museum...
noah: whoah! that is really huge!!
mom: i know! that dinosaur is even bigger than mommy! (obvious exaggeration in my voice)
noah: (very serious) no it's not.

if i ever wonder about the impact i'm having on my children...i shouldn't. they are wired to think i am the greatest thing in the universe. even though i'm not. it's a very scary thing. i tremble as i think that my children see the world through my lense. less and less as they grow, but during their most formative years they see everything translated through me. they think i am perfect, all-powerful and all-knowing. oh wow. that sounds a lot like someone else i know. sounds a lot like, God. now i'm not just trembling, i'm full on shaking. i truly am "God" to my boys. what a poor reflection i am so often. what misconceptions they inherit from me.

God, please transform me so that my children see you for who you are. not who i display you to be. thank you for this
honorable. task.

1 comment:

Denee said...

This post has caused me to think a lot. I'm curious what I'll learn about Henri's view of me as he grows and is more articulate. Right now, it feels like he's very clear with me when he feels he's been wronged in some way. But I don't know if that affects his perception of me. It's interesting to think that he might see me as someone who has it all together, but anyone who is around me for any extended period of time knows that I most definitely don't! However, I do agree that children have blinders on when it comes to seeing faults in their parents. You're right, this is kind of scary.