Sunday, July 31, 2011

delusions of grandeur

noah: (asking one of the many hundreds of questions i field each day)
me: i don't know, honey.
you know...i don't know everything.
noah: yes you do!
me: no, sweetie, i don't.
noah: you know 2+2 so that means you know EVERYTHING!

looking at dinosaur skeleton replica at science museum...
noah: whoah! that is really huge!!
mom: i know! that dinosaur is even bigger than mommy! (obvious exaggeration in my voice)
noah: (very serious) no it's not.

if i ever wonder about the impact i'm having on my children...i shouldn't. they are wired to think i am the greatest thing in the universe. even though i'm not. it's a very scary thing. i tremble as i think that my children see the world through my lense. less and less as they grow, but during their most formative years they see everything translated through me. they think i am perfect, all-powerful and all-knowing. oh wow. that sounds a lot like someone else i know. sounds a lot like, God. now i'm not just trembling, i'm full on shaking. i truly am "God" to my boys. what a poor reflection i am so often. what misconceptions they inherit from me.

God, please transform me so that my children see you for who you are. not who i display you to be. thank you for this
honorable. task.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

wishful thinking

we've had 31 days of temps over 100.

in a row.

yes. it's miserable. it has made the last few weeks of summer not so fun as outdoor activities are off limits. even at 8 in the morning.

i'm changing my blog layout in hopes that maybe it will make things cooler. or at least feel cooler. or something like that.

my boys don't start school until the 17th of august, but okc public schools have just started year round school this fall so school commences monday morning round these parts. i know it seems early, but maybe, just maybe, the school buses, backpacks, and sound of pencils sharpening will make me feel less overheated.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

goodbye dear friend

before sonny left for uganda i got the dreaded call. "i've been in an accident". he was alright and that's all i cared about. he said he thought our corrolla was totaled, but i thought...."how bad can it be?"

he limped our girl home and then i saw. airbags deployed, windshield shattered, and headlight dangling. then it hit me. my love could've been seriously hurt. i could've been driving to the hospital right now. tears sprang up and my throat got that tight feeling.

i hugged him. then i looked again. memories started playing in the screen of my mind. the day we bought that car. so young. so intoxicatingly in love. sonny's birthday. one month into marriage. we were so proud. a new car. wow. we talked so many hours in that car. we had no tv that first year so long drives throughout the beauty of the pacific northwest were our entertainment. we talked of our future. of children. decided on the name ariel for our first son. sonny told me how this car would last for years. how we'd take such good care of it that it could last 15-20 years. really? i said. so "Ari" (it felt so weird to say that name) could learn to drive on it?

when that amazing day came and "Ari" was a reality, not just a dream, i sat in the backseat holding the infant carrier we had so carefully strapped in, as if my hands could somehow protect him. sonny drove slower and with more anger at other drivers than i had ever witnessed. we need one of those "baby on board" signs, he huffed. who was this man?

the car came with us to california. served us well there and brought home another baby. this one gave us just an hour's notice. the corrolla was waiting and we hopped in and now strapped another baby in that back seat. this time i stayed in the front. we were experienced now.

when we moved back to oregon she came back with us. she made the trek back to california many times as we worked out the last six months of noah's adoption. she drove us to the courthouse on that special day when it was finalized. and then drove us back and was right at home in the constant drizzle that is portland.

then we moved to oklahoma and again the corolla came along. she was our only vehicle until just recently. even when the door handle broke and you had to roll down the window to open the door from the outside, i still viewed her as our "new car".

she was part of the family. from the start. and she was supposed to be with us longer. everywhere we had been as a family, she had escorted us there. she had witnessed so many special event, and the every day. she was still running great and by every prediction would've been a perfect learning car for Ari. her time with us was cut short and as the man in the tow truck dragged her away i could only be thankful. it's been such a wonderful ride.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

getting "the shoe"

remember how we celebrate sinterklaas day? well, central to our celebration is "the shoe". we each have a dutch wooden shoe with our name on it. we use them to hold small gifts that traditionally were thrown down the chimney and landed in drying shoes (and socks=stockings). with our new addition to the family we had to make a trip to holland, michigan to the only wooden shoe factory in the country. judah couldn't officially be a part of the family until he had "his shoe".
judah trying on a pair-blonde and chubby like any good little dutch boy

noah trying on a little larger pair-they have these XL shoes, shoes sized for barbie, and every size in between
the artist burning the name onto "the shoe", making it one of a kind

welcome to the family, judah!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


driving through the little part of town where i grew up i started pointing out things to the boys. my parents live in another part of town now so they don't get to see my stomping grounds much.

me: look boys! there's my school where i went when i was your age.
boys: cool!
me: oh, wow. there's my junior high and across the street is my high school. hmm...looks the same.
noah: you went there?
me: yup. oh, and up ahead is the arby's where mommy worked! yey!!
ari: mom...this is like....."you-town"

Monday, July 18, 2011

six months

judah celebrated his six month birthday while we were in michigan. he swang for the first time and was delighted...thankfully carissa thought pushing him was the bees knees.
he snuggled with auntie kim...even at 3 a.m. when mommy collapsed from exhaustion
and played with opa, the one who share's his middle name

when sonny returned from uganda he was mesmerized by the change in our little guy. he was still adorable. still covered in chubs. still lit up with smiles. but now, he's a little person. he's exerting his will. he's grabbing and causing women everywhere to remove necklaces and earrings in fear. men with goatees (like daddy) are not so lucky. he's reaching in earnest for food and especially cups with straws (like 44 oz. diet cokes).

the best part of this significant growth is how interactive he is. judah has always been a "people person" but his skills just keep improving. judah makes you feel like you're the most important, interesting, and hilarious person on the planet. he has nowhere else to be, nothing he's formulating in his mind to say, no distraction. just being with you. and smiling. and on those special occasions, laughing all the way from his big belly.

i want to be more like judah.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

adventures in travel

we MADE it! can you see the bags under my eyes? this is judah and i at my parents hotel in st. louis after i drove the boys from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. i was a tad bit tired, to say the least. the boys slept through and my only hindrance was exhaustion. we were all happy to see my parents and let them take over the driving. yes. they are awesome. the drive from st. louis to michigan flew by as they took care of everything and before we knew it...we were there!
the boys had been looking forward to seeing opa's new jeep with the zip-off top. driving around with the wind blowing through their hair was much more fun than the previous 15 hours cooped up in the mini-van.
opa surprised the boys by setting up an entire indoor camping scene so they could have their own space, complete with lanterns and a headlamp for nighttime reading.
we like to go to the park and the only thing better is to go to the park with your cousins! noah and clayton swing with abandon our first day in town.
celebrating 4th of july with a good old fashioned parade. the boys are poised and ready for all the candy that will be comin' their way!

tomorrow we head to northern michigan to stay in a cabin with my parents, sisters, and all the kids. we will not lack for activity or noise, but fun too will abound. i'm sure my kids will remember these days well into their adulthood and i'm glad.